Cheeze Whiz::What do you call an empty jar of Cheeze Whiz?\nCheeze Whuz.
Marooned::A boat carrying red paint crashed into a boat carrying blue paint.\nApparently the crew were marooned.
Bathroom::If you're American when you enter the bathroom, and American when you leave, what are you while inside? European.
Kayak::2 Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank, proving you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Sausage & Egg::A sausage and egg were in a frying pan. The egg said to the sausage, "God it's hot!" The sausage turned around in horror and said, "aahhh, my god, a talking egg!"
Toilets::All the toilet seats at the police station were stolen. The thief is still at large. The police are having a hard time figuring it out, and they have nothing to go on.
Doughnuts::A cop pulls over a guy. "Your eyes are red. Have you been drinking?"\n"Gee, officer," the man says. "Your eyes are awfully glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
Other Drivers::Have you ever noticed - anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac.
Brown & Sticky::What's brown and sticky?\nA stick.
Grave Mistakes::Did you hear about the monster who got lost in the graveyard? Seems he kept making grave mistakes while trying to find his ghoul friend.
Fractions::Did you know that 18 out of 10 people don't understand fractions?
Fire Engines::A woman frantically calls to report a fire.\nThe operator asks, "How do we get there?" \nConfused she replies, "Don't you still have those fire engines?"
Cliff::What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.
Late Garbage::1 day a woman comes out with a bunch of trash as the garbage truck is pulling away.\n"Am I too late?"\n"No, ma'am," says the garbage man. "Hop right in!"
Statistics::47% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Clever Farmer::Why did the farmer plough his field with a steamroller?\nHe wanted mashed potatoes.
Sleep::The amount of sleep required by the average person is about 5 minutes more.
Memory::Everyone has a photographic memory.\nSome don't have film.
Short Sleeves::Wear short sleeves!\nSupport your right to bare arms!
Wrong Lane::When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Invisible Ink::How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Change::Change is inevitable - except from vending machines!
Armor::If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?\nSilverware.
Address::What clothes does a house wear?\nAddress.
Cartoon::What do you call a song sung in an automobile?\nA cartoon.
You're Fired::Boss: "Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of downsizing. Knock, knock."\nEmployee: "Who's there?"\nBoss: "Not you anymore."
